#. even though i. dont really post things on their own here very much anymore. my bad ill do that more with not rejuv things

[harvestmoth]

menou….

[intotheelliwoods]

❗️Angst potential ahead❗️(so don't read if like, you don't like potential bestie angst)

Okay so I've been thinking about how one got to witness sprout as like a kid, teen, whatever you want to call it while he's still in his bad boy era(how the heck do ppl put the tm) and then him as an adult, one barely having aged one bit. This got me thinking about the potential of the time differences between the 2al world and the slau world.

What if one day the besties stop seeing eachother and one goes through his entire redemption arc without poptart having seen it. What if one decides to finally see poptart again to tell him of all the crazy things that he went through and what had happened (and totaly not to try and apologize for being such a bad friend, nooooo, why on earth would one do that?(interpret this how you want))... Only to find out poptart is no longer around. And oh, what this... tears? Now it all makes sense to one. Oneion was so deadbent on trying to let poptart know he was an amazing friend not because the apocolaspe didn't allow him to see him anymore but because the time difference didn't allow him to. He stands infront of the hamto family's ofrenda conflicted. How should he feel, should he even feel? I mean he never really officially stated that poptart was a friend or someone close. So was it right to cry for someone he tried so hard to push away all those times ago... he didn't know the answer so he just stood there.

Though he was grateful he even got to have him in his life even if it was for so little time.

Anyways I hope that made sense, I feel I could add more but that would take way too much thinking...kay bye👋

-lime

WHAT IF THEY GOT TO GROW UP HAPPY TOGETHER INSTEAD! WHAT THEN!! 🥺

And for real, we are a huge fan of the besties angst <3 Dont look at the ideas that @dianagj-art and I have that currently only live on in old discord messages

It is so weird though because, yeah 2AL DOES move faster time wise than SLAU, and hell if I can get my motivation to work on the main comic series back up I would not be surprised if I finish the main series entirely by the end of the year (which includes a time skip!!!! (happy ending promise)) We just... sorta try to ignore that... and pretend that the besties timeline is its own whole separate thing aha

BUT, at some point he besties DO break up, right before Ones redemption/recovery arc. And similar to what you mentioned here, One does have a lot of regret for how he treated Poptart and for how he never acknowledged him as a true friend. Though unlike your idea, One is able to make that apology eventually after a few months, then the besties are stronger than ever with a post-redeemed One😌👊

Will that idea ever make it to drawing form? Ha no clue, though if you want more details I would recommending asking Diana since its a very One centered moment!

[poopingonthefloor]

Davesport is Toxic NOT abusive

(((WARNING: PRETTY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT.))) I've seen some people making the claims that Davesport is comship/proship (ok well i've more seen people bitching about it) and im tired of the Davesport slander so this will be an analysis of their relationship. My motive isn't to force anyone to ship it or anything- i really dont care what you do with your life, my frustration is just when people try to make up REASONS why they don't like the ship, even though its literally canon (and not badly written). My main point is -- You can hate what you want. You don't need a reason, and it doesn't need to be bad just because you don't like it. But I will not take any slander on their ship nor any slander of people who like davesport. Davesport is absolutely toxic-- No DSAF fan would disagree. They are literally child murderers with little to no souls and literally are physically disfigured to the point they don't have the capacity to feel proper humanity anymore. You cant expect 2 men who live their lives willingly murdering and then partying in vegas to celebrate on repeat to be gentle and kind to themselves or anyone else.

However, its NOT abusive. I've seen multiple people (mostly from twitter screenshots) claim that Davesport is abusive or the way people portray it is in a fetishy or romanticizing way of abuse, when that's just not the case. I don't blame a lot of people, since a lot of it comes from reading context and intent of the artist, which not everyone is good at-- BUT I'm here to assure you that MOST people don't intend to do that much and just like to portray how their dynamic is canonically like or portray Daves obsession with Jack. Another argument I've seen (by a twitter screenshot...) is that people are comshipping Davesport because people draw Jack annoyed a lot at Dave when...thats not true? That's just Jack's personality, first off:

(From the Dave x Reader fanfic by Directdoggo)

"Jack is a bastardman not very touchy-feely. We can see this in many scenes, where Dave more or less says “I love you” and Jack responds with deflecting humour, or outright scorn. When Dave says it for the final time, this time, Jack tries to say it back, but can’t outright, only getting out: “Why is this so hard?” and “I hope you can find peace with what you’ve done.” Which Dave understood the meaning of. (Hey, better than Henry (LEGACY Jack) hearing “I love you” and proceeding to tear Dave limb from limb, huh?"

(Directdoggo describing Jack's personality)

I know it can be a little confusing to some people, but as someone who struggles with similar issues, just because he struggles to express intimately doesn't mean he can't love anything. Sometimes people are just different and communicating like that doesn't come as easily, even to the people you're closest to. To make it as easy as possible to comprehend-- He's quite literally a tsundere. (Minus the exaggerated ridiculousness in anime) He loves Dave, he just cant bring himself to say or act like it. The dismissiveness or rudeness in response to Dave's affection is not abuse, it's just a defensive response since he doesn't know how to say it back. (His way of being "shy") -- Also note its important that Dave UNDERSTANDS this about him by that point.

However Jack isn't the only thing I've seen regarding the claims that their ship is abusive-- and to debunk all of those I'm going to explain the three points that keep Davesport from being abusive, and I'll use Henry x Dave (which is what I'll call it to prevent it getting confused for FNAF willry) as an example alongside it since its super obvious why that one is messed up. Firstly, They are both bad people. By this point, Dave and Jack are murderers. It's just not surprising that they will be willing to kill each other at at least some point, considering they are willing to kill 5 year olds without remorse- and they'll both deserve it. It's only their own faults that they teamed up with the other, and it's meant to be the ultimate irony when Jack becomes even worse than Dave by "An ending". My point is- they're bad people. It's not like they're owed perfect company or would choose wholesome people to hang out with when they're literally both child murderers. Dave wasn't evil and didn't want to kill by the time he teamed up with Henry (and even after it was Henry's fault), so by that point his suffering was absolutely undeserved.

Secondly, They're lacking any specific power dynamic. Unlike Henry and Dave- whom have several levels of "Age, Father figure, and Employer", the most important one is that Henry is Dave's abuser. He manipulated him and purposefully harmed him both mentally and physically, whereas Dave never had any intention of doing either because Dave loved him and didn't want to lose him (because he had nobody else) This obviously much different with Dave and Jack, whom other than being taller and several years older than (which you can argue their 6 year age gap is weird but they didnt get to know each other till they were both older than 30 so by that point age difference doesnt rlly matter and (also theyre "mentally" like 24 and 22 canonically anyways (as much as I usually hate that argument)) Other then that they are only co-workers. This is a bit more arguable during DSAF 1, where Dave comes across more threatening and comes across like he's manipulating Jack, but I don't exactly count that because I wouldn't say theyre "shippable" or in their "situationship*" by that point (but also because them even being a ship was barely considered by the creator at that point obviously)-- whereas Dave is certainly more easily recognized as sincere to Jack in DSAF 2. Jack also is not someone who is afraid to defend himself against Dave, as shown by the fact he's willing to call out Dave's ridiculous behaviors (which is reasonable of him to do).

(Also from the Dave x reader fanfic) (I just think this specific screenshot debunks any sort of "power dynamic" claim)

My Third and Final point: There is a CHOICE involved I haven't really done much Dave defense in this post, but his defense is very simple: He is literally physically unable to comprehend guilt or conscience. Dave didn't want to murder anyone in the first place, but it was Henry who fucked with his (literal) head so much to the point he stopped being able to feel guilt. He doesn't care about murder and doing wrong because he CAN'T care. You can't really let that reflect Dave as a character when he's really not in control of himself in the first place. Now with that, that doesn't change the fact he could certainly affect and hurt people, and it's fully up to Jack as to whether or not he wants to deal with this purple man's freakish life choices and hobbies or not. And that's honestly super dependent on the ending you decide to base Jack on. Most people see the 'canon' endings to be: Gnarly ending (DSAF 1) -> An ending (DSAF 2) -> Good ending (DSAF 3) Where in all of these, Jack DOES choose to deal with Dave and basically is completely cool with murder. You don't have to follow those endings if you don't want to, but that's just typically what the modern "Davesport" is known for, but its what I'm using for my defense (considering this is a defense of both fandom and canon Davesport.) Though as opposed with Henry and Dave- Dave had no choice. Henry only ever manipulated him into thinking he did, and Henry made sure to feed this whole 'we will be a family' ideal into Dave (who never had one) so that Dave would be terrified to lose him. Jack never manipulates Dave (when teamed up with him), and Dave never manipulates Jack (tho arguable in DSAF 1 as well). They stay with each other despite all of their issues, and I believe its due to some co-dependency (imo I think Jack is also obsessed with Dave just in a different way before DSAF 3) Which isn't healthy, but not...inherently abusive.

I believe my main three points kind of cover the most of why I dont consider Davesport to be inherently a bad ship, but like I said- if you don't like it, none of that matters anyways. You dont NEED a reason to like something, and I wont try to convince you why you should ship something because I like it. Just don't hate it just because of what someone else says-- 90% of the dsaf fandom aren't comshippers, and Davesport isn't gross or "toxic /neg" just because it's not healthy. I think "Don't fetishize/romanticize literal abuse like its normal or sexy" and "We should explore more complicated and unhealthy dynamics" can and SHOULD coincide with each other!!!! I think Davesport is great because of how bittersweet it is that these two people finally found solace and acceptance in each other but couldn't get past the self-sabotaging nature of what Henry turned them both into, ultimately making it impossible to work out forever. I think embracing the Davesport makes the (kind of aged) trilogy a lot more enjoyable of an experience and I DO encourage any davesport skeptics to keep an open mind. [Pretend I wrapped this up super nicely I can never do that--- Also this is open for conversation and/or debate, and also yada yada my bad if i said something randomly terrible I have extremely poor social skills lol let me know so I dont do it again yada yada] *Also if anyone doesnt know a situationship is (at least in the context im using it in ive heard other definitions for it but its not a real word so i actually dont care) when 2(or more) people basically treat eachother like lovers but they never communicate this outright and dont technically officially date but like they treat and commit to eachother like a partner would) (So its kind of what all those people who playfully flirt and call each other their spouses as a commited running joke are in)

[your-ne1ghbor]

So I watched the new Disney movie: Wish, and oh boy. I wouldn't be redesigning or talking much about it if I liked it. So here I am. And I despised it.

So I decided to redraw/rewrite the ENTIRE story. Right now, I am redesigning the characters, starting with Asha.

One thing you notice is that she seems more like an sorcerer/princess and you will be correct on both parts. She is (in my version of the story) the daughter of Magnifico and Amaya. She has much more character and flaws than she did in the movie, and undergoes A BIG character change. To put it in perspective, she is much like Belle from Beauty and the Beast but more shy and interverted. (I dont wanna spoil her change since it is pretty unique in its own way) Plus, she loves books like Belle too lol

Anyways, design wise:

I gave her a more sunset color pallet. And as you notice, she has a POOFY BRAID. I wanted her to have a braid to make her different from the other redesigns of Asha, and so she didn't look like Isabella. And yes, the braid will seem to assosiate with either Elsa or Rapunzel, but Rapunzel doesn't have long hair any more it is short and the merch either has her in the braid or her long hair. Elsa isn't marketed with a braid anymore, she just has her hair pulled back (which I thought about doing for Asha funny enough). So technically speaking, Disney doesn't really have a MC that CONSISANTLY had a braid. Even a poofy one at that. You may also notice that I gave her more of a red-ish pink-ish color for the main part of the dress instead of maroon and the reason why is because I wanted her to stand out :D I didn't want her dress to be very big or poofy because I want her to be able to move more freely + she is a young sorcerer and needs to have more mobility. The oval shapes around her outfit is like the pumpkin seeds that would reference the fairy godmother (which is what they did in the original and I wanted to apply it here for fun).

Look, if you like the movie, I can 100% respect that. But please do not attack me for not liking the movie. Its better to be respectful than dissing on someone who has a different opinion than you. If you guys are wondering why I didn't like it, you guys can ask me in the comments if you want too. I'll post another one of my fav characters that was never in the movie later today or tomorrow.

Anyways, do you guys like my redraw? I'll take some suggestions as well if you want it to be improved and I'll still explore it! For now though, this is her final design unless I change my mind about it lol.

[malwaredykes]

I know you mostly post about fnv but I'm curious to know whats your opinion on the other fallouts?

fallout - really Really REALLY good. unforgiving, yes, takes some time getting used to. not without its flaws of course. for example i couldnt for the life of me figure out some very basic shit at first because the UI was designed by rodents i think. very Very engaging once you get past all of that. phenomenal first entry in the series. music, plot, worldbuilding, themes, major characters, mwah. mwah. They Dont Make Em Like That Anymore and there are many good reasons for it but time passed doesnt disappear so you can always play classic fallout.

fallout 2 - thing get weird. some of the highest highs, some of the lowest lows. the highs are really high though. unfortunately has a particular kind of needless edginess to it that gets extremely tiresome. "heeheehhee SECKS *begins to warp violently* heeiiuhehyehye" type. bizarrely racist and misogynistic at many points. contains some of the best voice acting moments in video game history. at many points its just very very tedious, like if with fo1 at some points i was like Well this is kinda rough, with fo2 there were stretches of the game where i was like What the hell am i even doing here Who are these people what is this crap. the enclave as this games evil fucked up faction is so great i love how theyre gradually introduced and then shit hits the fan. has a lot of texture to its worldbuilding and some really good fun moments but again it goes off the rails so much. i rly need to replay it but every time im like God do i really have time for this. i love that you drive a car

fallout 3 - weird fucking game. some truly unjustifiable design and worldbuilding decisions despite having also introduced a lot of rly good things. fun gameplay i mean its that classic falloublivionrim buggy grimy versatile ps3 pure brick ass gravel gamebryo bethesda. VERY funny to have so much of the games plot be like I Gotta Find My Dad like girl i dont care about my dad he can go die. oh wait he does. it has what i call The Martin Septim Problem and i think its kind of self explanatory. fawkes best boy hes my little birthday boy. fun to explore and do your own thing and discover whatevers going on out there. i HATE the brotherhood of steel in fallout the third. i HATE the enclave in fallout the third but i dont think it even comes close to how much i hate the brotherhood of steel in this game and what precedent it set for the rest of bethesda fallout. these creeps. im supposed to find any of this awesome? fuck no. oh also im ENDLESSLY amused by the prologue its like a nightmare sequence akskfnckxjnc. im being BORN?? ive just slid out of my mothers WOMB and CERVIX and VAGINA and theyre bringing up a screen to show her what an ugly monstrosity im gonna be when i grow up and shes like Waoww and she dies??? im a TODDLER? Release Me. Unhand Me You Fool. oh also that sequence where youre in a CRAZY SCIENTISTS SIMULATION is so stupid i love it

fallout 4 - havent played it for longer than 15 minutes (made me barfy). everything i learn about it is bizarre. like WHAT the fuck happens in that game. your old wrinkly son tells you youre stupid and dont need to know anything hes doing and then is like im dying can you take over for me??? also the intro is truly something i mean i dont mind having Some backstory to my character but youre saying i had to be straight married with a baby and living in a nice suburb, with a robot house servant? fuck no

everything else i havent played and have no real Thoughts about

[basil-does-arttt]

DMC Questions Anon here!

As we all know today is the 23rd anniversary of the first Devil May Cry game, and the series as a whole. So I want to hear you talk about DMC 1, what you love about it, headcanons you have about it, alternate scenarios you want to share, anything DMC 1 you want to talk about.

Hello again! This is gonna be a long post i have a lot to say lol

DMC 1 was my introduction to the series way back when as a little kid, when i watched an older cousin play it and eventually tried it out myself. This was also the PS2 version, and i was gifted the disc + console as well at some point.

The Alastor cutscene stuck in my head for literal years after i first saw it as a kid, that and DMC 3's mission 20 arena. Every so often it'd pop into my head as a memory, untill recently when i decided to get back into DMC fully rather than just occasionally remembering it.

DMC 1 holds a very special place in my heart because of that, its a huge nostalgia thing for me and is my favourite game in the series.

I love the setting and tone of the game, its so unique compared to the others, of course all in thanks to DMC 1 starting out as RE4. That whole gothic castle, almost horror vibe is something you dont really expect from hack&slash games these days, and even though it made for some real clunky and annoying moments in game (cough cough Nelo 2 and Griffon 2 cough cough...) to me, the good far outweighs the bad.

Oh and the soundtrack! Its so good, every theme works so well in the scene it's used for, even the abient tracks. I will say however, the bg music got real messed up on the HD remaster which is very dissapointing. (it sounds flat and doesn't have any echoing anymore, specicially the divinity statue room and Phantom's church arena in the start of mission 3). It may not be noticable to some who have only played the HD release, but i noticed it immediately coming from the PS2 version oof. I guess i have to be greatful that a HD release exists in the first place though, and it is a very old game. Still.

The combat also, (and this might not be an opinion shared by everyone which is fine) i feel is the smoothest out of any Dante in any game. All the attacks are so responsive, and although you're limited, you can still style on enemies pretty easily.

Finally the bosses. Arguably the best lineup of any DMC game, every boss is fun in it's own way and brings something new to the table in terms of mechanics. Phantom is a lot of timing correctly, Nelo pushes your fighting style to be more agressive and direct, Griffon challenges your dodging skills, Nightmare is a puzzle solving boss, and Mundus is all three. The designs are also amazing, and most of the arenas are perfect. Griffon 2 and nelo 2 aren't so great arenas but their 3rd arenas more than make up for it.

Okay enough of me gushing about how much i love the mechanics, some HCs i have for it!!

1/ That motorcycle Trish bust the door down with (and then throws at Dante) wasn't hers, right? We see it in the into cutscene before it cuts to Dante at his desk. Well, its my HC that was Lady's bike (she was not happy).

2/ (aside from gameplay mechanic reasons) The reason Dante cant use DT at the start of the game, despite having awakened it in DMC 3, is because Dante wants to push away from embracing his demonic side even more so now after his brother has been "killed". He always disliked being part demon and preferred not to tap into his demonic abilities because of that, demons are evil creatures after all and Dante is far from that, but that hate is even further exemplified after Vergil fell into hell.

3/ When Trish split off to fly solo as a devil hunter, she kept the name "Devil Never Cry" for her business. People do often confuse her for Dante's "Devil May Cry" especially when the names are abbreviated. Dante finds it mildly annoying, Trish finds it hilarious. (Sometimes she'll direct clients to Dante out of pity too when they call her number asking for Devil May Cry rather than Devil Never Cry, instead of convincing them she's the right person. Dante however always sends them over to Trish if they've called the wrong number.)

4/ Dante probably knew Trish was trying to lure him to his death on Mallet island, but he went anyways to avenge his family's death. We know he'd been searching for Mundus ever since DMC 3 (it says so in DMC 5's "history of DMC" cutscene), and he knows that finding and killing Mundus wouldn't be nearly as easy as Trish made it seem. Wether he came back or not, he was going to kill Mundus, or at least try.

As for alternate scenarios, i dont have much in mind. Maybe it would be interesting to see a scenario where Trish never betrayed Dante, and instead she tried to help him during the nightmare fight. It still would've ended the same way for her, but maybe also Dante wouldn't have gotten so angry with her when he saved her.

Ugh i just love DMC 1 so much, like i said before it holds a special place in my heart. I hope that answers everything :> <3

[zelenbug]

more rayman headcanons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wrote a LOT here

some general descriptions of like 31 whole characters in my headcanon lore. at least those i had much of note to say about. so like, some pretty important characters are missing sorry

rayman - hes cool and a doofus at the same time. hes also a little bit stupid. he values having friends so so much and has no clue what romance is because hes never felt any kind of romantic attraction. he was raised by his fairy mom (betilla has her exact r1 design btw.) and theyre still on good terms : ) favorite activities: inventing ridiculous fun new things to do with globox

globox - he is exactly like in rayman 3 aside from the odd parts in the first map of hoodlum headquarters. silly idiot with a big ego, plays himself up to be mega competent and awesome at everything despite also being a coward. loves his family and haveing fun and his friends. hes good at coming up with ridiculous stupid conclusions. he dislikes glutes (I MEAN THE BIRDS IT IS WHAT THE BIRDS IS CALLED) because they kept biting him and stealing his lunch when he was a kid. he is terrified of rabbids. hes a red wizard but hes bad at being one (due to being tall, bald, not red (anymore) and not much of a wizard (he knows like 2 spells (hes really good at making rain happen though!!!))). his parents dont like him very much for being too much of a silly idiot

uglette - basically globox 2 in a lot of ways. not a coward but is averse to adventuring so she doesnt do that (also isnt as arrogant). kicks your ass if you threaten her kids though. not as much of an active participant in various fun activities despite being fully supportive of it BUT DONT GET IT WRONG she is still also a silly idiot. she doesnt like math either but is surprisingly good at counting which is the only reason her and globox know how many kids they have (globox was barred from helping out with counting, hes so bad at it which is why they were miscounting as over 650 for a while, its really just 651). uglettes parents dont like her very much for unclear reasons (hwy do you think shes named that)

their kids - allowed to run everywhere and have as much fun as possible which includes them punting every other glade inhabitant they can get to like the ball. they are UNRESTRICTED MENACES. if confronted about it (usually by murfy) both globox and uglette would go "its good parenting". at worst they get told off like "hey dont be mean please". andre is one of the kids btw

murfy - he is exactly like in rayman 3. hes actually really good at different voices which is why hes really squeaky at times (he puts on an act and pretends to be nice when polokus is around, that includes making a stupid squeaky voice). has flirted with rayman who remains completely oblivious to this. attempted to date a lot of people otherwise, didnt go so well, one of them was a literal girl with great big eyes though (a mosquito). also he would rather pursue acting than whatever his job ended up being

goth teensy - i wrote a post about him already. nice naive little man. his memory is awful for no reason. he doesnt remember how he got this watching over the dead door job either and he barely does it because he keeps getting distracted (and justifies it with "well how likely are the nightmares to get out anyways?")

raymesis - his one goal in life is to be raymans greatest rival and make sure everyone knows how bad rayman is (raymesis fails horribly at this. when he pretensd to be rayman literally everytone can tell that is not rayman). he is a giant cringefail loser. he wears cringy gamer shirts (like. over his hoodie) at home, which is a horrible dingy apartment. has several other embarrassing interests he doesnt even let glombrox know (who basically lives in his apartment due to constantly finding new ways of breaking in)

glombrox - claimed by raymesis to be his sidekick, actually just goes along with it because hes smart and can also kick raymesis in the back once his own plan goes awry. raymesis is both his favorite target to mess with and the closest thing he has to a friend. he smells horribly and hates baths, he loves beating up people for fun, he writes in cursive so fancy its legit unreadable. he was also an asshole as a kid (hes no longer allowed anywhere near his relatively normal family) and found more company with darktoons who only slightly influenced him. somehow everyone keeps thinking hes globox. he hates it. he can eat mold

teensy queen - honestly kudos to my friend for coming up with most of this because this is like really good. teensy queen is just kind of nuts and also a giant drama queen (lmao), like fake fainting with back of hand on her forehead. her targets of attraction consist exciuslvely of women and rayman. she has probably spoken with ghosts

andre - unfortunately for him, stuck at globoxs village permanently after being turned back into a black lum at some point (during rrr's events). globox and uglette and their kids literally all consider andy a family member, he hates it and he hates everyone here. he doesnt even try to escape anymore because SOMEONE will inexplicably get him back there (ie his siblings catching him in a bug net. they kick him around too btw). hes still trying to plot some evil plan that he hopes to execute eventually. hes terrified of rayman more than literally anyone else in the glade

ales mansay - NOT the magician, just pretended to be him to try and get on the heroes' good side. ales is slightly taller than him actually. anyway ales likes mr dark very very much (this is not reciprocated whatsoever). hes really bad at magic for a teensy (his organ thing that works with magic just doesnt work right?) and he got bullied as a kid relentlessly for it, he was already mean but this just made him worse. hes the closest thing the glade can get to a techbro (if he makes all hte tech himself). was even more mean to goth teensy in particular (who was just trying to reach out and become friends maybe) when they were classmates

polokus - hes seen even by the other gods as a weird little silly man. he can shapeshift between pretty much any kind of look (he has to remain beige though) but the design in origins is his "true" form i guess. he created the glade and its inhabitants long long ago and set them loose, he created globoxs spcecies in his own image but thought itd be funny if they didnt have legs. when hes not vacationing god knows where (like himself) (anyway he went there during rayman 3) hes pretty easy to talk to and become best friends with. he is divorced (over teensies)

voodoo mama (NOT THE NYMPH this is literally not what the nymph is called ignore raywiki IM TALKING ABOUT mama hite) - God's Ex. she thinks hes too much of a silly idiot too. she literally only likes one teensy (romeo patti), thinks all the other ones are ugly as hell. nowadays (aside from hanging out in land of the livid dead briefly before getting kicked in the eyes. yknow. big mama.) lives at the sea of serendipity with red wizards, offering her weird concoctions and whatever else to people, usually they do some magic effect they want (ie how rayman recolored himself like globox for fun) but with Side Effects. all the red wizards are convinced shes just some tall lady thats really good at magic and not literally, like. another god. even though she doesnt bother to hide it that much. sorta acted like a better mom to globox than the one he actually had, it took him a long time to also learn she was, in fact, God's Ex

LIGHTNING ROUND,!? the (unique) BABYS!!! brainox is obviously the smart one, a polite little guy, he has albinism and thus doesnt like sunlight, looking at it OR being in it. so hes more nocturnal bimbette is just cutie pants (from fancy pants) basically. she is a huge brat. lacks eyelashes for some reason zikox (remember hes the yellow one this is a canon name from the dreamcast localization file) pursues rap sure he secretly really likes poetry. wouldnt let anyone know. oktette is obviously the other smart one but shes REALLY smug about it. she literally looks down on people shes the tallest of the babys. (actually theyd be like teenagers by now almost?) hardrox isnt mean but hes just annoyed all the time by everything. he has a cool rock band, his dad is the only other member (as you know globoxs rayman arena desc says he likes rock music) catastrox is confused about everything constantly he has a hard time understanding anything. actually one of the least chaotic kids. he also just didnt really understand robo pirates were bad because he didnt know morals yet (also bc he hatched with the pirates somehow)

flaming teensy is the cool old (not that old, hes in like his 40s equivalent) man. despite appearances (and whatever happened in mini) hes actually pretty nice. looks over the tricky treasure as a job. hes in a relationship with another teensy but hes from the cold part of gourmand land this time

(i didnt intend to pick images of both magicians (i guess. you can see i refuse to call ales that) with no hats on. i just thought they were funny. this one is from an educational game btw)

the first king is the actual old. hes oldest teensy that has ever been alive, he refuses to die out of sheer stubbornness and just constantly complains about "kids these days". hes like cranky kong with less video game references

jano - one of the more minor gods, only one created by polokus (it was an accident). then he made a mess and now nightmares and the scary part of land of the livid dead exist. hes gotten more neutral over time, but not exactly nice and he doesnt regret making nightmares happen. nowadays he actually guards the way to land of the livid dead (cave of bad dreams is just a part of it), which is a somewhat different job from goth teensy

(side note r3 and origins land of the livid dead exist in the same "space", but the origins one is in a sort of pocket dimension. pocket dimensions have mostly been created by group efforts of powerful teensies for convenient travel purposes, ie the highways or the hall of doors, or some other purpose like the tower also in (r3) land of the livid dead. anyway nightmares reside in the origins land of the livid dead. and it wasnr created by teensies just to be clear, its that most of the other pocket dimensions were)

dark globox - nobody invited him to these races one time he just showed up. everyones scared of him, hes not even mean or evil he just throws people into walls for some reason. he speaks in BFGKBLFBDKFHMMDFKS but hes like, a sapient person with thoughts in SOME form? still the same species as globox but hes the most weird shaped one. everyone just called him that due to approximate similarities to the only other competitor who was also the same species (unless you count globette) anyway dark globox is literally the only person glombrox genuinely respects

tily - like a cat (full of mischief) that can fly. unstoppable, chaotic, bites people (mostly globox. for no reason). if caught in the act (for example, pushing fragile objects off tables for no reason) she acts like shes entirely innocent and hasnt done a single thing wrong or bad at all. which keeps working, every time. but she can be persuaded to stop for a little bit with some treats of candy (thats a difference from cats, cats cant taste anything sweet at all!). i dont know what her relation to ly is but theyre both cats in some way

the magician (the real one this time) - has always been a rayperson. hes a grown man but is shorter than most teensies for no reason. obviously great at magic but anything involving technology confuses him to no end. hes maybe just a bit mischievous at times, hes nice he just messes with people a little bit sometimes for fun. Ok so i can really only describe this best with an image also from an educational game

red wizards arent like. one character but i could go into more detail on them. so they live mostly around sea of serendipity and mystical pique. at least the older ones are absolutely committed to being always serious and never having fun or being silly ever, and they hope to also teach the same values to god with their boring mantras. you can understand why globox didnt fit with the other red wizards like at all. ALSO red wizards gossip a LOT, htey end up knowing about everything remotely adjacent to them (but nothing outside of that, they had no idea there were robo pirates at all for example)

romeo patti - why did he decide to live in land of the livid dead?? anyway he kind of has the easiest job in the world because most of his patients are already ghosts and you cant do much about that. so he spends all his time smoking all kinds of stuff, thats kind of why hes the only teensy voodoo mama likes. hes also one of the tallest known teensies, its hard to tell because he also has the worst posture of all the known teensies

TOOK LONG ENOUGH TO GET TO MINIMUSES I GUESS? talking in plural because i think its mostly a set of teensies that steal the crown from one another. being The King is mostly meaningless but it makes them feel important and they get to shout commands at people. only one of them was brave enough to participate on some fun adventures with rayman and globox and goth teensy, he acts like the leader of the team which makes the other three go "?"

sir globrax - he keeps getting stuck in absolutely unreal situations. nobody knows how he does this. murfy for a time got assigned by polokus to watch over this poor chainmail wearing idiot and, while he wouldnt show it, murfy has never genuinely hated anyone more than this guy and his penchant for trapping himself in ways nobody on the planet can decipher. meanwhile his view on murfy is like. My assisant murfy who helps me when im in trouble : )

globteen and teensy ray together i guess - theyre like. friends but they mostly focus on being the number one biggest fan of whoever their respective favorite guy is. and they both run fanclubs but the globox fanclubs only members are globteen and globox. teensy ray will try and fight anyone who is mean to rayman, also hes one of the few teensies that isnt bald (he made himself not bald)

globteen is a funny little guy overall. his age is a mystery. most people find him kind of weird and a bit nuts so he doesnt have a lot of friends but he doesnt seem to mind that much. hes actually REALLY pale for a teensy for some reason, being a very light yellow color. its a bit hard to tell because he never goes out without his face painted blue (like globox). also he is literally this

might do more of this if i come up with things to write about other characters

[its-no-biggie]

thinking about post-implantation wash again.....

cause like. the rvb writers dropped a lot of balls, but this is the one i find personally the most upsetting. like. a soldier getting irreparably fucked up by an experiment gone wrong is the kind of premise i read fanfiction about (that probably says something about me but im not gonna examine it. moving on). especially since he STAYED with freelancer???? you could take this in so many different directions- his fellow freelancers are worried about him but he pushes through anyway. his fellow freelancers ARENT worried about him and push him harder than he can handle. the director pulls the ai fragments and theres hostility from more than just the one-dimensional "raging bitch" character. the director DOESNT pull the ai fragments, which seriously calls into question the ethics of the whole operation (which i believe is more in line with the pfl that was described in earlier seasons, but thats a story for another time) AND puts potential pressure on wash to get another implantation (oh my GOD. show me THAT version of pfl).

and of couse. how could i possibly forget epsilon. there is something so uniquely tasty about 2 characters who went through something traumatic together and then didnt see each other again until ages later- ESPECIALLY when one of them was the cause, even though they werent directly at fault, and the other was just unlucky enough to be involved. like holy shit????? the TENSION that would cause???? the discomfort being around each other? the guilt? having nowhere to place the blame except the director?? oh my GOD literally any interaction between them couldve had so much FLAVOUR. im not saying they need to be the main focus of the story or anything but we didnt get a single interaction!! not even a crumb!! like. do something with the fact that wash needed to have alpha in his head in season 6 despite refusing to ever have another ai after epsilon. do something with wash needing to SEE and HEAR and TALK TO epsilon again. do something with epsilon remembering fucking exploding in washs head!!!! im not asking for a lot here- asking for a lot would be suggesting a scenario like the one from season 6, except wash needs EPSILON in his head for some reason and gets legitimately triggered by it or cant bring himself to do it. thats the kind of shit i want to see, but i understand that that isnt carolina-centric enough so ill get it from fanfiction as god intended. but cant i ask for at least some awkwardness? maybe an uncomfortable confrontation? irrational hostility? SOMETHING. it doesnt have to be the focus but it should be THERE.

and like. youd think that this is an issue with retconning. and it kind of is, but its more about missed opportunities. like. i dont mind the retcon that freelancer was always its own thing, or that church was always an ai. those things are cool! they take the story in a more interesting direction! yeah it makes things more confusing and id prefer if the retcons werent necessary, but. its not the end of the world. but the thing with wash is. they did a really cool and interesting thing by having an ai COMMIT SUICIDE in his fucking HEAD. and then they went back on it! they very quickly went from "this clearly left a lasting impact on him" to "oh well it was bad, probably worse than hes letting on, but some of it was an act! so he could take em down from the inside!" to "yeah i mean he screamed while it was happening but he was fine when he woke up. no lasting consequences" and then it was never addressed again. and im mad about it!! they didnt even properly retcon it- they just decided that it had no consequences anymore, and it made washs character LESS interesting.

[moodr1ng]

(making my own post after being in someones replies again lol) i do think there was kind of a Moment on tumblr in i wanna say circa 2019-2021 where a lot of the accumulated biphobia that was present in the lgbt community at large and in particular on tumblr sort of blew up into a number of bi bloggers starting to talk a lot more on the subject and make a lot of posts explaining the material consequences of biphobia, the lack of support bisexuals have always gotten from the rest of the community, the specific biphobic opinions/takes that are popular both offline and in online communities, and also a lot of conversations about bisexuality, what its like to be bisexual, what it means to us, a ton of education on bisexual history, a lot of trans and nonbinary bisexuals talking about how bisexuality interacts w our genders, etc. at the time and being involved in all of this tangentially it felt a bit like a sort of tumblr bisexual renaissance where the pot finally boiled over and a ton of us started to be really loud and in your face about bisexuality and biphobia. i think this was a major reason for why a lot of takes that had previously been very widespread and either accepted or at least treated as debatable (thinking about butch/femme discourse for example) got rolled back and a lot of people who had been very casually biphobic all over the place suddenly changed their tune, switched their public opinions, and started sharing a lot more of support for bisexuals (though, tbh, i dont think i have seen literally one apology for past biphobia).

i do think there was some discourse that went a bit too far and ended up counterproductive (ive personally rolled back a lot of my past anger about the pansexuality vs bisexuality shit into a view that i think is a lot more charitable and community-oriented), but overall bisexuals on here did a lot of work to get heard, get understood, and get some much-needed support by the rest of the lgbt community, and there were also a lot of behind the scenes conversations where bi people created spaces like very active discord servers where bisexuality was explored in-depth among bisexuals, which tbh i largely credit for me being able to comfortably identify as bigender.

but, well, this Moment of bisexuals being loud and proud about bisexuality and refusing to continue to tolerate biphobia was met with, like, extremely caustic and vicious backlash which has led SO many bi bloggers who i followed, knew, was in servers and dms with, was/am friends with etc to either quit tumblr or move to new blogs where they only keep around vetted people and no longer widely engage w the topic of biphobia. my alter ran one of those blogs which i dont think could have really been qualified as popular, but which had a ton of constant interaction and some really big posts, all of which led to daily biphobic harassment as well as scrutiny of every other part of his identity and repeated cruelty about things that it was incredibly inappropriate for people to attack him on - some of you who followed him will recall the repeated attacks and accusations of ableism for his 'weird' typing style, despite a disclaimer on his blog that he types like this bc of autism+adhd+did, as well as a lot of vitriol and aggression which i think was at least partially racially motivated. like, im not even willing to disclose the url or his name here because im STILL paranoid about getting harassed years after he deactivated, which, like many others i know, he did because the constant biphobia was so bad for his mental health that the blog even just continuing to exist was not sustainable.

im not sure to what degree the conversations that were started on here during this time are continuing - im not seeing much of it anymore, but then again maybe im just not following the people having them - but it certainly feels like that Moment has died down now, though i certainly still feel the aftereffects in how a lot of people have changed their stances on bisexuality. it does feel like an acute loss still that so many bi people were effectively shut down and harassed off tumblr or into silence and reclusiveness by the backlash to bisexuals speaking out (and this especially imo affected bisexuals of color, especially black bisexuals, as per usual on tumblr). i miss the posts i would get to read daily as well as the very active discord servers and other conversations i got to be privy to at the time. i think this, as much as the discussions on biphobia themselves, rendered very explicit the degree of biphobia thats present within the lgbt community. as soon as a number of bisexuals got fed up with it and started to talk about it openly, the open and unashamed biphobia also ramped up.

ig the thing im stuck on is - were not talking about it as much, but all the people who dedicated themselves to harassing bisexuals into silence for years are still here. some stances have been changed and a lot of performative "we love bisexuals!" posts got shared but ultimately the work is still cut out for us going forward. however, i dont think i or my alter will be doing any of that work on tumblr in the future. the focus will have to be on real-life community to spare ourselves the backlash that comes from speaking about this on here.

idk, not sure how to end this whole tirade. i just happened to be thinking about all this earlier today and a mutual brought it up again just now so its on my mind. i do still miss that sense of heightened bisexual community that came from all of this. i personally not only was able to re-identify as bisexual after identifying as gay for a few years bc these conversations led me to reevaluate my sexuality in a more accepting light, but also i unlearned a ton of internalized biphobia which i had not only tolerated but often strongly believed myself, usually with a sort of self-flagellating notion of "i have to bow down to the rest of the community and accept that my opinion is inherently lesser because bisexuality is an inferior sexuality" which i only stopped believing after being in these bisexual communities. ig i just have to be content with the circle of bi friends ive built both online and offline and what benefits ive gained from these discussions.

[samuelroukin]

hi! not here in favor of you making Actual Books (i don't even read any of the newly published books anymore for reasons and reasons and reasons), just complimenting your work in general

i dont really care for cod at all but i really enjoy how you write the characters!! and tbh the only reason i watched some playthroughs of the games was so i could understand your work better. sure, fandom is the main reason people click in, but it's definitely not why they're staying. and it's not why people are writing paragraphs of praise to your stubborn ass even though you work so hard to never listen to any of it 💖

also id be enchanted to hear more about your ocs on future works or even here on tumblr!! you're great at creating made up people that actually feel real. they're pretty round (funnily enough that is the actual technical term), even when you don't tell us a lot about them

also 👀👀 say you have original stuff in mind?????? i would love love love love love to know more about that!! you're getting pretty darn good at worldbuilding and ambiance. better with each update now that you're trying out this AU thing. it would be infinitely interesting to see what you come up with when working with your own stuff only

anyway what i mean is. even though I don't quite believe in Published Books on this day and age, please know that your writing is definitely good enough for the editorial market (even more so now that those dark romance things are going mainstream and a lot of them read like the stuff 12yos post on wattpad. what tf is the deal with that? but I digress. out of those circles your work is still definitely good enough) it's legit like Good Work, even if the tiny mean bully whispering in your ear disagrees. it's good realism. good introspection. good porn and also good narrative and great junction of those. it's lovely seeing how far you've come in so little time and we're excited to see you reach new heights in the future (because you will, with absolute certainty, unless you stop. but i don't think you could really stop yourself at this point lmao)

and please know that achieving that level of quality with no help or instruction or training in so little time is a grand fucking accomplishment

point is: Who Care? We Care (even if we're not an enormous audience)(...yet?). and not just because it's cod

it's def a nice compliment to get thank u 🙏💖

and so is you reading my stuff without caring much for cod! though i wouldn't be able to write this much about them without (clearly) being completely insane about Them and the basis the games laid (haha laid) because without them i'd be nowhere at all, these characters are so. well they clearly took over my brain lol, though i worry a Lot about them being ooc when i write them 💀

i actually feel like my guys are so barebones and one dimensional rip, which is fine since i mostly created them as little more than a joke and they're just being used as set dressing, so that means a lot 🙏

my Main story is this sprawling urban fantasy thing, which if i ever did write it would need serious adjustments since it's. old and not aged very well. the gist of it was the main character (30 year old barista) has Visions, cue road trip with his bestie (ex bf from high school that he reconnected with years later) to figure out The Deal after they suddenly get much worse. it's about that on the surface, and below about dealing with missed chances and not living up to ur potential. it sounds stupid but i've been Thinking about it since i was like 14 so cringe is to be expected lol

lsklhkjhffghst yeah no offense to them but despite this fic being what it i i wouldn't really want to fall into that category even if that sound like i think i'm better than them (i'm not it's just not my thing. or i guess it is and i just have a superiority complex. anyway) um thank you once again 🥺i def feel like i haven't improved a lot but you're dead on about not being able to stop myself anyway lmao

idk why you're being this nice to me but 💖💖💖

[santae-salt]

disclaimer that im not super well versed in santae so pls correct me if im wrong or out of the loop on things /genuine i would love to hear back on what im about to word salad about as it has been rattling in my brain for a minute.

idk how much of a fair comparison this is but i feel like pawborough is the antithesis or at least a sort of mirror to santae in the way both are projects spearheaded by a single person. i think a major source of santae's problems is the fact that it has been in development for over 10 years and is operating with some extremely outdated philosophies. i know they aren't in the same petsim niches (neoclone versus rpg), but things like the premium renaming on santae feel indicative of that. i cant think of any RECENT petsim that has taken that direction. it could be just that i'm not looking in the right places, (neoclones never interested me) but a lot of the examples of sites that have renaming cost premium i've seen mentioned even on this blog are also on the older side. the fact that artists are getting paid at such low rates also feels like a holdover from the early days of petsims when things were much cheaper to produce (though i've heard people say rates THAT low were always considered pretty bad even back then).

definitely correct me if im wrong here, but i feel like the only new thing santae has really done is present itself as vehemently anti-retirement and not have a lot of KS exclusives. i'm pretty sure all the KS campaigns of petsims post-FR that i've ever heard of used some kind of exclusivity model, including pawborough. how this will eventually play out for santae is something that intrigues me, and if it proves to be a boon and not a detriment, i'll likely be happy to see future projects do something similar. but outside of that, santae to me sounds like its trying to be a modernized version of older style petsims, but it hasn't fully let go of aspects that more recent games have let go of/improved upon for good reason.

meanwhile, and i fully admit im biased because this is the project i've been following more closely, pawborough has always felt like it's trying to be more fresh and innovative. it started as a "FRclone" so to speak (three poses per breed, three slots for colors, each slot having different patterning genes, a color wheel for breeding, and some early web layout mockups were very similar to FR). it had its own stuff going on yes but personally, that was a big part of the appeal in pawborough at the time of the KS. i liked FR and i liked cats, why not have both? but over the course of its development so much has changed. theres a new color system for breeding, the site layout doesnt scream FR anymore, there's a stronger focus on the rpg mechanics, and much more. plus, if staff is to be believed, they have always paid their artists significantly better, allegedly starting at $50 per asset. and that number has gone up recently with plans to pay them even more once the site launches with premium purchases. now i will say some changes on pawborough has led some to people say it went from copying FR to copying another cat based rpg, Pixel Cat's End, and ehhh while I can see it my main point is that pawborough has evolved significantly since it started development, and i think it has benefited from it. not to mention, MANY of these changes were results of user feedback. (which isnt to say i haven't heard of santae changing things in response to feedback either, but it sounds like theres usually some initial resistance while with pawborough feedback generally feels like its being taken in stride and is seriously being considered.)

again, people who have been following santae for longer i would love to hear about their development journey and what they're trying improve on in the petsim landscape. i would love to check out a fresher take on a neopets style game with allll the QOL 2020s web design can provide. i just dont want to get in the discord or trawl through old posts on socials which are mostly just promotional adverts from what i can tell. sorry if this all sounds stupid i should be sleeping but i needed to get this out of my head!!! thank you fellow saltheads 💜

☁️

[donnerpartyofone]

anon here who feels a great kindred spirit with you, maybe one day i'll have the guts to message not anonymously but frankly i really admire you and also struggle with the mortification of putting myself out there directly it may be one day but not today. ANYways. just saw your post re: the knee-jerk reaction of ppl to say something like "no! everyone is special (or beautiful/smart/talented/etc.) in their own way!" when you or i tries to acknowledge something that is real to us and that affects our day to day life. ive touched on stupidity before bcuz that is something that you've articulated better than i ever could but you were talking in that post a little more specifically abt physical beauty and i do think theres something to be said there for usamerican individualism. bcuz ive heard a lot that other countries/cultures find our particular brand of individualism to be weird to say the least. and i have, for most of my life (and this is true now), had a body that has been perceived as very desirable (eg. skinny, but still have tits and an ass, proportionally "good", etc.) but my face i have always known does not live up to beauty standards. bcuz of this, ppl closer have had a hard time understanding why i struggle so much with self esteem related to my looks and have often jumped to "but youre so pretty!" when i try to talk abt it. the outside of this is that i look like a child in the face and am often mistaken for a child even at 28. when i was an actual child, read: 18 and under, i received a LOT of attention from men, often men who were old enough to be my father. now that i am not a child that attention has waned, even though i've put on a little weight and my body is frankly more rocking than ever. BUT my face stays unchanged and i think i have so of an uncanny valley effect on ppl now. im bringing all this up bcuz this is another piece of kinship i feel with you: even before i started really paying attention to your posts discussing things, i really admired your selfies bcuz you and i actually look pretty similar, we have the same texture of hair and a similar face. but i have always felt that, from your pictures, you seem much more "in control" of your look than i do. i love your sense of style and i love how you do your brows so dark and dramatic but also seem to wear (as far as i can tell; im not much for makeup so correct me if im wrong) relatively little makeup otherwise. regardless of how you look, you project an image (as always, i know i can only know you parasocially so take this as much or as little as you want to) of someone who knows how they look and how they want to present themselves. i personally keep my head buzzed most of the time, and when i first started doing it, i did it bcuz it meant that no one had any excuse anymore. they had to look at my face and acknowledge my whole bare face with no distractions. it was a way of directing how i was perceived. now i dont know if thats what your brows are to you but ive always thought "wow, the dramatic brow is such a masterful use of makeup and direction". ive always seen the way you present yourself as seeming thoughtfully and well curated, and ive hoped for myself that i could someday present that way. as you can tell, i really admire you lol. hope im not being weird. im not really sure what my point is here but once again you articulated something well that i only have ruminated on abstractly.

i've also been thinking of you bcuz recently i ran up against the old "im too stupid to do this normal thing and now it may badly affect my life" situation: tried to put my tabs on my car and bcuz they were taped to the paper, they just broke into pieces on the tape when i tried to peel them away. so i just panicked and badly pieced them onto my license plate in a way im sure will seem infinitely more suspicious should a cop notice and decide to pull me over. my husband tells me tabs are supposed to do this as an anti theft measure, this is information i somehow missed in my 28 years of life and 12 years of being a legal driver. and if i get pulled over im not honestly sure i know where all my necessary paperwork is and will undoubtedly start shaking from anxiety which also looks suspicious when i try to hand a cop my id and my hand is shaking like a leaf. and i havent been pulled over yet but now every time i drive my car im going to be thinking abt it. god willing the distraction of fear of the unknown wont lead me to crashing my car but thatd be just the thing id do too. just wanted to share bcuz i think youre probably the only person who understands how it feels and bcuz hey, i want you to know youre not the only one out there muddling through life as a series of actions and unforeseen consequences, no matter how foreseen those consequences "shouldve been".

sorry for this long and rambling message. i have no two-ipas excuse this time as its morning here and im stone cold sober (the ipas were the voodoo juice ranger by the way) but you just make me think a lot, and again, i admire you very much. thanks as always and i hope that today is, if not easier on you, at least tolerable in terms of its challenges.

Dearest field correspondent, I wish I had a more thoughtful, interesting response to your kind message, but unfortunately you may receive instead le big rant. I am very low self-control lately and you're all going to have to pay for it! I'm thinking about my 85 year old father-in-law who is still razor sharp and full of energy, and so he is vividly aware of the nearness of death and very anxious about it. At his birthday dinner he started preaching to my husband and me about how you just have to live every minute you've been given to its fullest, and I often think about how he's right and he's wrong at the same time. Like it's patently correct that you should treasure whatever life you're allowed, but I think it would take a mental giant to really do that unless you're just basically a terrific person with few problems. If your personal chemistry makes you feel bad all the time due to circumstances or past trauma or plain old bad wiring, it's really hard to just consciously choose to feel good and be filled with gratitude and slurp all the delicious marrow out of your day. And what if your days don't have that much marrow to begin with? Of course if the Christmas ghosts came and snatched you up and confronted you with the preciousness of the life you are squandering, that you can still redeem if you try, that would change your tune, but it's hard to get that same kind of life-changing effect by just intellectually acknowledging the value of yourself and your time on earth.

(I'm gonna put a break here so I don't eat up everybody's dash, brb)

I was thinking about this, in a way, because somebody just asked me for a head shot for this project I'm on, so I was going through selfies to see if I had anything appropriate, and man was that depressing. Of course Tumblr was serving a jumble of new and old pictures, but some of them looked really good, even recent ones. And I know I wasn't enjoying myself at the time that I took them, any of them. I was just struggling to feel good about myself out of some perverse sense of obligation. I've always had the urge to express something with my appearance, to build up some kind of power and efficacy around what I could do with it, but I never felt anything like that happening. I mean for every selfie that was good enough to post, there are at least 100 I had to throw out that were ugly and embarrassing and more like "the real me". And I know just from living my life that I'm not attractive, my entire social experience does not reflect that of an attractive woman; even among the guys I dated, it's hard to weigh the two who actually liked me against the majority who were just indiscriminately looking for some pathetic specimen to torture and humiliate in order to feel good about themselves.

(And I guess this is TMI but who really cares, I'm sure no one is even reading this, but the irony is that I'm really great in bed. It's a fact. I just love sex and I'm not at all embarrassed about it and I have a knack for getting people comfortable really letting loose and getting to do what they truly want. I know this for sure not only from being in the room, but from detailed postscript testimonials from partners--even the ones who secretly hated me. And naturally that makes me feel pretty good, but it feels incomplete somehow, without the sense of control of my own appearance, without a satisfying relationship to my own body which disgusts me and is constantly causing me unmanageable problems both aesthetic and medical. Like I really want to just crumple it up and throw it in the trash, who fucking cares)

But I see some of those (highly staged, illusory, pain-in-the-ass to shoot) selfies and for a second I'm forced to wonder why that person had to feel so bad about and not have any fun at all, every single day. And now it's extra hard because as I might have said, I've had rosacea for around 15 years, and most of the time it was just a fairly manageable if embarrassing redness, but ever since I took the asthma medication Symbicort for a month this summer, the condition has been progressively deforming. I don't even look the same as I did this fall, and I have no reason to believe things will get better or even level out. Like, this is it. I feel like I don't even have the same skull shape as the girl in these cute pictures from September. I'm stressing myself out wondering about all kinds of procedures I can barely pay for, that could potentially make it worse actually. I'm wondering if I need to quit my public-facing volunteer gig, one of the only things that gives my life meaning, because I'm sick of how red and bloated and wet I look in every single livestream, and I don't like it when I'm occasionally accused of being drunk or I'm randomly told to "calm down" because I looked like I'm panicking even when I'm not. I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't care. But it's tough to look back at old pictures, even just from six months ago, and think Damn I didn't know how much worse things were about to get, I should have live-laugh-loved through every grueling moment of my luxurious mediocrity while I still had it to enjoy!

--On that note there's a certain curse of women who are like, not ugly enough for it to feel like a hopeless case, but who also don't actually have much potential to do anything satisfying with themselves. If you absolutely know that beauty isn't an open road for you, you can choose not to waste energy on that and you can focus on any number of other things that can make your life happy and meaningful; but if you have that nagging suspicion that maybe you COULD be finding exciting ways to express yourself through your looks, then you're dogged by this feeling of dissatisfaction and constantly wondering if it would be better if you just threw in the towel and called yourself ugly so you could stop thinking about it, or if that would be wasteful because maybe something nice would happen if you just made more of an effort, maybe there's still time, maybe you need the right haircut, maybe you need to shake up your wardrobe, maybe you need to learn that advanced hygiene routine that you always found too confusing to master, maybe you just need to get in shape, maybe et al ad nauseum. It would be better not to have to wonder about it all. And of course there's social pressure to maintain ambiguity, especially for women: You're supposed to work really hard to be hot, but you're supposed to act like it's all effortless and also like you have no idea how attractive you are. But you can't be unrealistically humble or people will hate you for that, too--they'll hate you for being dishonest, or they'll give you shit about your apparent self-esteem issues, because somehow that is always everybody's business. You can't win!

You're right that I don't wear much makeup, I really never learned; I never had a mom who was interested in me or the kinds of female friends who help you learn all the pageantry. I wore some makeup for a little while at the end of my 20s because I had to go to my fancy brother's wedding and I was embarrassed about looking raw and dowdy forever in his fancy wedding photos, so I forced myself to learn a few things. But basically I don't want to be bothered, and I enjoy the Joan Crawford brow I do, but that's utilitarian also--if I'm not paying attention I'll rip all the eyebrow hairs out of my face, which is extra embarrassing if it happens in the middle of a work day or something. So now the pencil is essential! And since my face started turning red I usually use some primer and foundation that I really like, although there is very little that keeps my head from looking like a big swollen clown nose, from now on. (All of my minimal supplies are from Make Up For Ever btw, expensive but long-lasting and reliable)

Unrelated but I'm really pissed off that I can't drink anymore, because now it brings on this violent painful flushing, and every time that happens it causes progressive destruction and like, basically every day is worse than the last--which is true anyway about aging, but it's escalated for me. But like, I have severe depression and anxiety and I can't be on any mood medications because they make my tinnitus intolerable, so the only thing I could reliably do for myself was have a little alcohol. Like just half a can of beer would get me through so many tough chores and bouts of mindless fear. And I love wine, I love amari, I love whiskeys, I love esoteric cocktail nonsense, I have a ton of friends from the craft beer world, and now basically there are entire art forms that I can't enjoy anymore, like ever again. And you can bet this is going to affect my relationships. I know people will want to say that's bullshit, quitting drinking is practically always a good thing and your "real friends" will stick with you sober...but that's all pretty hyperbolic. I don't want my life to be winnowed down to only the purest stuff. I don't want this cornerstone of my social and cultural life to be ripped out from under me. I never even developed any bad behaviors to deserve this! And god knows I don't want to have absolutely zero options for calming my nerves. Therapy and yoga and meditation have done nothing for me psychiatrically. I'm just fucked, really, in the dreariest most mundane way possible.

I wouldn't be so hung up on getting drunk and looking pretty if I had some other source of meaning, but it's hard to find that essential driving force when you can't even get through the day's chores like a normal person. I'm on like day 5 of trying to fold my clothes or even just shove them into bags, and I live in terror of the avalanche that is going to happen when one of us needs to get out the bed sheets that I "put away" dangerously in the closet, despite multiple attempts to do it right. I don't drive so you're ahead of me on some level! But I'm 100% positive I wouldn't have understood all that stuff about the tabs, haha. This week I'm seeing my GP and I'm going to ask for a psych referral for evaluations for autism and ADHD. I'm scared that I'm opening myself up to being officially diagnosed as just lazy and negative and then everyone will get to tell me I Told You So about how my only issue is my poor attitude, but I'm sure there's something going on with me, and if it's ADD and god forbid I can get a little medication of some kind that allows me to like wash dishes and do laundry like a normal person without making everything exponentially worse...then, you know, that would be a really big deal. It seems to me that a lot of people are depressed because of some unfulfilled dream they had of being really sexy and cool and talented, or some other superlative--and we usamericans do experience a lot of irrational cultural pressure to be Awesome at something, I'm not looking down on people who suffer from this--but all I want is to like, get on the bus successfully. To not humiliate myself every single time I go to ship a package because I just can't figure out what's going on, yet again. To not be having constant wardrobe malfunctions. To vacuum my house without just mysteriously pushing dirt and hair around into different configurations. To cook a nice simple meal I don't destroy. To have a job again. These are my most treasured fantasies. Maybe if we both put pressure on "the Universe" to "manifest" our dreams this year, then we can have a great 2024!

[defeateddetectives]

had the year end fic review meme brewing in the drafts and forgot all about it until now so for my own reference and posterity's sake: 2k23 edition (while its still uh january!)

apparently i used to do this every year for a while and then had several years of writerly drought so here's manifesting more words for the years ahead!! as with previous years, using metrics from ao3

Total number of completed stories: 8

Total word count: ~8k or so

Fandoms written in: drrr!! (gasp), project k, jjk, natsume yuujinchou (really truly bar revival 2k23 or die trying!!!!!)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? the last few years had totally sapped me creatively so the bar was on the floor. more than expected by that metric even if much less than i had relative to years before that.

What's your own favorite story of the year? kirigami probably! i guess the good thing about doing this a month into the new year is i dont have to mysteriously redact the yuletide reveal anymore :)

Did you take any writing risks this year? i posted drrr!! fic after ages and that wasnt bb gangsters-centric! and tried my hand at jjk characters' voices (posted only a tip of that iceberg) which was ~adventurous even though i still dont rly have a handle on em! birthright was a risk bc it was a total shot in the dark about a dynamic we havent even seen play out yet??? (more matoba siblings lore when, ms. midorikawaaaa)

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year? just telling myself to keep writing, dont overthink it, and remember everything you write will generally sound awkward and clunky after reading it for the 100th time without stepping away

My best story of this year: i never have an objective measure on this so my fave(s) are typically the best to me

My most popular story of this year: parthian shot & saccades are tied at this moment by ao3 kudos science if we're going by that!

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: nothing stands out over the year

Most fun story to write: a few come to mind. though it was a v tiny memefill, i had a lot of fun with where the hours bend and it came very easily! fun fact: i was in the vicinity of houjicha cheesecake at the time and it subliminally crept into the fic which i only realized much later :')

more beautiful than night was also written amidst a self-indulgent single-sitting whirlwind with so much love and really felt like going back to basics because 2nd person mkiz nonsense is my brain's default state of being apparently <3

kirigami was wildly fun in a very different way like a puzzle i needed to crack and couldnt step away from until i did

Story with the single sexiest moment: mayhaps natori shuuichi ready to throw down at his first appearance in kirgami :D while maybe not what most people would call sexy, the entire dynamic and vibe throughout (anguished repressed bidirectional longing and all) was very sexy To Me!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: wound up contemplating izaya and celty's absolutely bonkers dynamic via zero sum game in a way i dont think i had before

Hardest story to write: kirigami bc of the mental gymnastics of remixing that original vol 28 canon arc that is an absolute masterpiece in storytelling in its own right. i was very intimidated about doing it justice and as a gift-fic as well! the months leading up to yuletide were also bananas overall so, all things considered, it's a miracle that it came through on time!!

parthian shot also comes to mind bc the current canonverse exorcists dynamic, as delicious as it is, feels so frail and tenuous and i find myself wanting to handle it with the utmost care and respect when trying to show it

Biggest Disappointment: the stories i invested a lot in, i wound up fairly happy with! [endless number of ancient wips glare at me in disappointment]

Biggest Surprise: bar revival 2k23 in its entirety tbh :') also probably the extent to which i fell into jjk/stsg hell but i guess you cant really tell from the finished works for better or worse!!!

[galacticfoundation]

Heya... Mars here. This is a little awkward, but Miss Cynthia seems to think it's a good idea, so... FAQ??

Q: Team Galactic? The doomsday cult?

A: It's not a cult anymore! We've been busting our butts in that court mandated therapy!

Q: Why are you still around?

A: We just want to fix things. The Champion and Cynthia did a really big favor, keeping us out of Forever Jail. Plus, some of us didn't have anywhere else to go. There's only about... 33 of us now?

Q: Why is Mars running this shebang? Wasn't she like, bottom of the totem pole.

A: Rude. But true. Saturn is technically in charge, but he's... not been doing too well. Can't blame him, really. It's a miracle he lasted this long. Jupiter went to Hoenn to work at some space place because we kind of ran out of money. So that leaves little old Mars! Jupiter thinks shes superior still, but I'm not the one with a live in Interpol agent.

Q: What do you even do?

A: Classic community service stuff. Also, working on reuniting stolen Pokémon. And cleaning up the lakes after the whole bomb thing. That was Jupiters idea, by the way. NOT mine. Oh, and about half the grunts have day jobs, for previously stated broke reasons. Saturn does some online coding stuff that I don't understand in the slightest.

Q: Is Cyrus alive?

A: I don't know.

cassini starts another blog, part... 11??? main blog @plasmaapologist blah blah blah. i could use this app to get an autism diagnosis i think

this blog is based on an au of my own dppt interpretation/au. it is canon based but not compliant. ye have been warned. blog will deal with heavy topics from time to time, all will be tagged

- the plot was that of platinum, for the most part

few things to note:

- this blog takes place very closely after dppt. only the events of kanto, johto, and hoenn have happened. asks relating to things in the other games will be answered, but will likely be met with confusion

- the start of this blog is 5-6 months after the events of the game

- charon does not exist. hes stupid and i dont like him. 👎

- lucas is the champion, dawn is the professors assistant

- dawn is probably one of my most heavily headcanoned characters. just a warning ♡

- despite being based on platinum, lucas failed to capture giratina. he later gained the trust of dialga, though their relationship is more of friends than pokemon and master.

- mars and saturn genuinely have good intentions. however please feel free to accuse them of otherwise. (jupiters only acting good to stay out of jail)

reoccurring characters blah blah blah. you know them but i thrust my headcanon upon ye

mars: she/her, 20. main poster. interim leader while saturn recovers. trying her best

saturn: he/him, 26. may occasionally post. not currently acting as leader after a mental breakdown, but still handles finances and does announcements when he can.

jupiter: she/her, 28. currently working at mossdeep space center in hoenn under the very careful eye of interpol. she never actually cared about team galactic, but its keeping her out of jail...

---------------------------------------------------

lucas: he/him, 14. current champion of sinnoh. has been helplessly busy since becoming acting champion. someone give this man a break, please. hes got a bit of a hero complex now. enjoys hanging out with barry and dawn when hes free, which often puts him around team galactic when hes with the latter.

dawn: she/her, 13. professor rowan's assistant. a quiet girl with a melancholic side; her real passion is art, but no one seems to appreciate it. has an odd but strong friendship with mars, and likes helping out.

barry: he/him, 14. impatient as ever. does not get why his friends want to help those galactic freaks so much!? why can't we beat them up and put them in jail forever?!?! main goal: blow up beat his father in battle

cynthia: she/her, 34. former champion of sinnoh. trying to enjoy her newfound free time, but she's been tasked with keeping an eye on team galactic. she secretly doesn't mind, and has developed a friendship with saturn. she wants to visit unova sometime soon, but she's just so busy...

professor rowan: he/him, old. early 60s? haven't decided. it's the professor, man. pretty much dawns main family, since her actual one doesn't seem fond of her. he doesn't really like her hanging with former terrorists, but also, doesn't want to control her.

[cyb-organ]

the yabusame siblings and drums

okay i will stop posting long ass incoherant rambles about them that no one sees when they get OUT OF MY BRAIN.

drumming and drums are such a huge symbol for their ENTIRE relationship. the whole thing. i mean yeah, obviously, the bongos. but also alice was the drums in samurai yaiba. literally AND metaphorically (okay this all might be a bit of a stretch but hear me out on this one)

drums are CRUCIAL to a song. they are make or break i think. and yet they're sort of, almost background instruments. they support the melody, without actually adding anything to it (obviously there are exceptions to this, but im talking generally here). and when on stage they are very often LITERALLY in the back. like stage position wise, they are further back. and yet they are still crucial. and this i think speaks volumes to alice's role in the band because, yeah even though he can't play the drums, his presence is crucial both musically and technically. and it also speaks volumes to alice's role in reko's life: in the background, but THERE. there and crucial. they aren't really that close during the samurai yaiba era, reko is completely apathetic to him and he stays mostly out of her way. but he's THERE and that's what's important.

and obviously i have to mention the bongos. he gave those to her, as a gift, and also to replace the ones she lost YEARS ago. his attempt to repair something that had already been broken for a very very long time. and reko never plays them. she almost throws them out but she doesn't. again: drums, background, crucial.

and then when alice is arrested, reko loses herself. she loses her music. her drum (literally and metaphorically) is gone. she no longer has that support, she doesnt have that background presence anymore. and the melody is getting out of sync because there's no beat to keep it in line and is this metaphor getting confusing? whatever. alice's arrest makes her unable to make the same music she used to.

but then she starts playing the bongos.

she joins a new band, and in this band she is playing the bongos. she is the drummer. she is becoming what alice couldn't be because he was in jail. she is becoming that supportive background presence in her own life because who else is going to? and the fact that these drums were a gift to her from alice make this so much more painful.

AND ALSO. in game, her relationship with alot of the younger cast (particularly kanna and gin) is that of an older sibling. AGAIN. SHE IS BECOMING WHAT ALICE COULDN'T BE!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE WAS IN JAIL!!!!!! she becomes warmer, more compassionate, alot like alice was when they were younger because she misses him and she misses the role he played in her life. so she fills his shoes. she plays his drums.

okay sorry about that i had to bring drums back into this.

and im not even going to GET INTO the bongo scene right now.

also, lil disclaimer, i am not a musician so i dont actually know alot about drums. take this with a grain of salt

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

auggggggh ive been wanting to make this post for an eternity but i havent been able to because I keep trying to explain myself WELL guess what. Im giving up, heres the song Wenn ich tanzen will from Elisabeth: das Musical with english translations, does it not make you think of what if Feysand was interesting

If you dont wanna watch the whole thing for some reason, I'd like to highlight this part

Fly!

I'll fly alone!

I alone want to accompany you through night and storm

I don't want to be accompanied anymore

Not even by you — I won't let myself be led

You're free only through me

Only through me

Only for me

For me!

For you shall make the way for me

I'm going my own way now

I've seperated myself from you — Leave me alone!

You've fallen in love with me

Because there's no freedom without me

And no one can understand you except for me!

Oh and also this part (theyre kinda singing over each other at this point)

I'm strong enough on my own!

You were only strong as long as you still thought that you were weak

I'm not calling for you!

You will call for me!

I'm not seeking you out!

You will seek me out!

I'm beginning to love my life!

Soon you will hate it!

Okay, I actually lied at the start of this post, I am gonna try to explain myself. My ideal not-boring version of Feysand that I think of when I listen to this song is like. Okay so, the structure of the story is fundamentally the same (except it takes place over a wayyyy longer timespan) with Feyre initially just kinda going about her new life as a traumatized fae and Rhysand coming to pick her up once a month, which ends up helping her because the SC manorhouse is kind of just covered in a bunch of depressing ooze rn (figuratively) and she cant really leave and Rhysand is basically giving her an excuse to hang out in a place without ooze, so its easier for her to have a good time. Rhysand is kinda awkward around her initially because hes basically like "ohhhhhh shit oh fuck, the woman that I tortured UTM as a fucked up way of coping with what Amarantha was doing to is my soulmate!!" because i really hate the fact that Rhysand apparently already knew about her and dreamt about her before she was even fae, it shouldve snapped in place for both of them during that little scene at the end of ACOTAR but Feyre has no concept of how a mating bond is supposed to feel like so shes just kinda like "huh, that felt kinda weird. anyway"

(this inexplicably got very long. like, 6 more paragraphs long. so much for me not explaining myself)

So yeah, Rhysand is hardcore struggling trying to figure out how to win her over despite all of the torture, but fortunately for him all she wants is to be left alone, so he does that, no putting her in unecessary danger and no asking insane favors of her even though theyve only been hanging out for like two weeks. Idrk how, but at some point they would start to get closer, this all happens very slowly, its a true slow-burn. And then one day Tamlin is like "I cant stand it, I need to find a way to break this bargain" so he collects a bunch of guys and he tells Feyre that theyre gonna go out and travel through all of Prythian and maybe even beyond in order to find a way to do it and itll probably take them atleast a few months. And then when Feyre says she wants to come along because this is about her after all, hes like "no, its dangerous and also, if Im gone then the Spring Court is gonna needs its Lady" and then he puts the shield around the manor because yeah, Im keeping Tamlin shitty in this one, sorry. This is about me trying to make Feysand good but trying to figure that out with Tamlin being in-character is too complicated for me rn so Im just gonna stick to the character assassination (thats something SJM probably also said while writing ACOMAF)

So yeah, like in canon, Mor gets her outta there and then Feyre starts permanently staying the night court except shes not going out on political errands because of the war with Hybern because honestly, this whole war plot is so stupid and it feels so unecessary like cmon Sarah girlie, I can tell youre not actually interested in writing politics, just stick to the romance and the healing journey. Anyway, during her stay she inadvertantly starts spending more time with Rhysand and realizing that he suffered too and that hes only human or fae or something like that, which helps her deal with her UTM trauma because she kinda thought of him as the embodiment of all her new trauma, so seeing that hes really not that and that hes just a person that she can make peace with helps her

Rhys is falling head over heels for Feyre because she just reminds him SO much of Cassian while Feyre is kinda conflicted but starting to develop some affection for him, and again, this happens over the course of many many months instead of just two. And after all that time, Feyre is starting feel pretty good and she doesnt really wanna go back to the spring court if shes totally honest with herself and then oops, Tamlin's back! He finds her and hes super worried like "oh my cauldron, feyre, my servants told me he just kidnapped you and they couldnt find a way to free you!! but Im here now and Im taking you back home dont worry" and Feyre feels guilty and shes basically like "yeahhhhh this was totally necessary, I definitely wanna go back... home, its just that he exploited this loophole in the bargain so had to stay here. Totally against my will, oh no it was so bad" and Tamlin tells her not to worry, theyve found a way to break they just need to get back to the spring court so they do that

At the Spring Court, Feyre gets to thinking. She thinks shes basically completely defeated her trauma by hanging out with Rhysand and shes like "well, my trauma was pretty much the main thing that made mine and Tamlins relationship not work, so now that my trauma is gone its gonna be all smooth sailing from here" and she just willfully ignores the fact that his way of coping with his UTM trauma was suffocating her and making it impossible to deal with her own issues and when she pointed it out to him he had a panic attack about it. Also, at this point it kinda hits her that shes been spending all this time with Tamlins enemy and feeling this affection for him that she hasnt really felt for Tamlin ever since theyve been back from UTM and their relationship started getting really bad, so now she feels very guilty and wants to rush into a marriage with him after all. Also, maybe by this point shes revovered enough to take a step back and start focusing on her surroundings again instead of just herself, and she realises that the people of the Spring Court would really need this kind of big celebration after this long time of turmoil and suffering, so maybe that plays into her decision to marry Tamlin as well idk

Meanwhile, Rhysand is back at the night court absolutely CONVINCED that Feyre is gonna come back to him even without the bargain or atleast send him a message or something, because of the mating bond and because by this point he thinks that Feyre loves him back, she just hasnt said it because Tamlin interrupted them or whatever. Yknow, because Feyre stopped throwing shoes at him and started to tolerate his presence somewhat, which are obviously the surefire signs that someone is in love with you. But anyway, Feyre never does get back to him because shes busy with her wedding and also trying very hard not think about either Rhysand or Tamlin too much so she doesnt simply run out into the forest to avoid dealing with all this bullshit

So yeah, Rhysand finds out about Feyre marrying Tamlin and he gets very upset and so he winnows to the Spring Court on the day of the wedding. Feyre has just been dressed up in this gorgeous pastel pink and green pantssuit (thats very important for the story) and now Ianthe is leaving her alone for a bit before the grand wedding ceremony. At this point Rhysand comes in and they have a confrontation thats basically just the song except in dialogue-form, remember when this post was about a song I really like, yeah me neither. During this confrontation I really want Rhysand to bring up the mating bond and kinda throw it in her face and I want Feyre to basically respond "oh, so now the guy who always preached about giving me choices and not letting others decide for me is gonna get on my case for not doing what some god wants from me, gtfo" and thats basically how it ends. Then the next book is the book where Feyre hay to make the choice between Tamlin and Rhysand because its a romance series at the end of the day, so even though I would like the last book to just be Feyre ending up single and going on her own adventures, I recognize that thats not a great ending for a romance series so

I wanna end this off by saying that I was trying to only focus on the romance for this because its easier, if I were to write my ideal acotar sequel it would look different than this even if I used the original acomaf as a base. So yeah, thats it hope you enjoyed my 7am ramblings, I have been awake for three hours already writing this